Saturday Afternoon, April 8th, Sunny
Last night Ben had a birthday party at his house. Chris ,Hattie (Chris’ girlfriend), and I went and had a fun time socializing with some of our co-workers. We brought Ben some beer and some of our music, and other people had brought food and deserts. I enjoy socializing with our co-workers, and at the same time feel sad that their different lifestyle doesn‘t offer them the opportunity to develop more of a sense of self. Most of the girls had to be home by ten, and one of our friends whom had been recently engaged was supposed to show up to Ben’s party. She is no longer working for the school now that she is engaged, and this party is the last time we will probably see her again. It is the way of things here.
I know many woman would have issue living here if they came from the West. Hattie remarked on this while talking to our friend Mohammad. Women don’t work when they are married, don’t really play sports at all, aren’t encouraged to be competitive or really draw attention to themselves in any way. We joked, sort of, about how “haram” Chris and Hattie could be in public. No touching, or really any Western expressions of joviality are acceptable for women here. While playing football the men treated her differently than us, and there are many places we can’t go with her at all.
The girls we work with are used to this, but if I were a woman I know it would bother me just the same. It bothers me as a man. I understand the culture is different and many women “choose” their role in life, but the unseen pressures of family and community are definitely a part of these choices. I imagine if the outside pressures were non-existent then each woman would chose different attitudes and eccentricities, but these pressures are always here. They are ever present in this place and will be for some time.
Having been here alone, and with no dating, I have thought much about relationships and marriage. I don’t think I could ever marry from a culture such as this - I need very outgoing women in my life. Every man or woman can definitely change beliefs and behaviors, but when they are so ingrained it is hard to change. For instance, our society encourages individuality. Your thoughts and desires are your own, and which the consequences also follow solely to you (in many cases). Here your thoughts might be yours but everything has a place also with your family, your friends, and your community. Things are done in groups. Dating is in groups, as are decisions made and paths chosen. I feel there is no true sense of “I” for the individual, and each person lives within the confines of his or her relative familial or communal structure. Obviously we have our relative and communal structures in the States, but the are individually led instead of group led.
Amazingly this doesn’t apply to things such as selfishness when it comes to our students. They mostly come from very group oriented families, yet as individuals they are more selfish and uncontrollable than any other children I have witnessed. Maybe it is with me they feel no pressure and act out against what their normal roles are at home. In this sense I am happy to provide them a safe atmosphere to grow and learn, but it is not conducive to a good classroom environment. I struggle with this opposition every day when I teach. I know I can not change a society, or even an individual, but only be an example of how a responsible “I” can act. In time I imagine our students will learn to be responsible individuals at school and responsible family members at home. I know in Western culture we could use more social and familial responsibility, but while I am here I wish for everyone to have more personal responsibility.
I hope deeply that our students will take this bit of Western culture with them as they move on throughout life. Many of them will leave this country for individual opportunity, and many will stay for familial obligation. For those that stay I hope they can impact on those they touch with social and economic responsibility. Only working together can these people rise out of the system they have to one that they all want. Syrians seem to be amazingly family oriented, but care little for their fellow statesmen. I only have a view of those in power but really they are the ones that need to hold up the rights and dreams of their fellow man.
I know many woman would have issue living here if they came from the West. Hattie remarked on this while talking to our friend Mohammad. Women don’t work when they are married, don’t really play sports at all, aren’t encouraged to be competitive or really draw attention to themselves in any way. We joked, sort of, about how “haram” Chris and Hattie could be in public. No touching, or really any Western expressions of joviality are acceptable for women here. While playing football the men treated her differently than us, and there are many places we can’t go with her at all.
The girls we work with are used to this, but if I were a woman I know it would bother me just the same. It bothers me as a man. I understand the culture is different and many women “choose” their role in life, but the unseen pressures of family and community are definitely a part of these choices. I imagine if the outside pressures were non-existent then each woman would chose different attitudes and eccentricities, but these pressures are always here. They are ever present in this place and will be for some time.
Having been here alone, and with no dating, I have thought much about relationships and marriage. I don’t think I could ever marry from a culture such as this - I need very outgoing women in my life. Every man or woman can definitely change beliefs and behaviors, but when they are so ingrained it is hard to change. For instance, our society encourages individuality. Your thoughts and desires are your own, and which the consequences also follow solely to you (in many cases). Here your thoughts might be yours but everything has a place also with your family, your friends, and your community. Things are done in groups. Dating is in groups, as are decisions made and paths chosen. I feel there is no true sense of “I” for the individual, and each person lives within the confines of his or her relative familial or communal structure. Obviously we have our relative and communal structures in the States, but the are individually led instead of group led.
Amazingly this doesn’t apply to things such as selfishness when it comes to our students. They mostly come from very group oriented families, yet as individuals they are more selfish and uncontrollable than any other children I have witnessed. Maybe it is with me they feel no pressure and act out against what their normal roles are at home. In this sense I am happy to provide them a safe atmosphere to grow and learn, but it is not conducive to a good classroom environment. I struggle with this opposition every day when I teach. I know I can not change a society, or even an individual, but only be an example of how a responsible “I” can act. In time I imagine our students will learn to be responsible individuals at school and responsible family members at home. I know in Western culture we could use more social and familial responsibility, but while I am here I wish for everyone to have more personal responsibility.
I hope deeply that our students will take this bit of Western culture with them as they move on throughout life. Many of them will leave this country for individual opportunity, and many will stay for familial obligation. For those that stay I hope they can impact on those they touch with social and economic responsibility. Only working together can these people rise out of the system they have to one that they all want. Syrians seem to be amazingly family oriented, but care little for their fellow statesmen. I only have a view of those in power but really they are the ones that need to hold up the rights and dreams of their fellow man.
posted by chris @ Friday, April 22, 2005
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